Life is not like a box of chocolates – it does NOT come to you with a pretty bow and yummy treats. It’s more like an amateur homemade pornographic movie that you cannot take your eyes off of; it goes on way longer than it should, doesn’t give you what you came for, and the quality, frankly, sucks. If this the best life has to offer me, I’m afraid life isn’t really worth it.
No, I didn’t suddenly develop a penchant for negativity this year because we are living in the middle of a global pandemic. I have always been a sad, sad girl. I have always had crises. And when I didn’t have them, I simply created them. But, for this particular crisis, I blame John Mayer.
What John Mayer Never Told Me
Imagine my excitement when I discovered John Mayer’s song mentioning something of a quarter-life crisis and how it gets him down a lot. At the time I felt terrible because I wasn’t old enough to have a quarter-life crisis. On rainy days, I would sing along to his song on repeat while, of course, begging the imaginary someone to stop this train.
Cut to ten years later, I have an actual quarter-life crisis (woo!), and it is NOT how I imagined it would be. Anxiety, despair, disappointment. Nothing like how John Mayer made it sound. You lying, sly, guitar-slinging, beautifully-singing, son of a man, you.
In his time of crisis, John Mayer made a widely-acclaimed song and made millions off of it. I, however, have an intense fear of the unknown. I find myself trying to convince myself that my age does not define who I am. I am constantly living in fear of being judged for my life’s choices, and some days, I don’t even think I made them myself.
Life is a whack-a-mole game, and you’re the mole, and you’re unable to get in your hole, and the hammer almost never misses. Oh, honestly, won’t someone just stop this train?
What keeps this train going?
The good thing about trains is that there are always other passengers in them. I have a crippling sense of loneliness surrounding me, but I know that there will always be someone to understand me. Telegraph tells me that 6 out of 10 millennials are probably suffering from a quarter-life crisis right now!
Statistically, if I were able to calm my anxieties (and there wasn’t an airborne pandemic-sized disease floating around the globe) right now, and gather ten random people my age, six of us would be simultaneously questioning our existence while complaining about our backache.
Nobody is unique, and I think there is a quaint sense of relief in realizing it. Because we are not special, we are similar. And in that, we are not alone. With every heartbreak that edges you closer to depression, you also have a friend who will give you a shoulder to cry on. When you give your ninth job interview in a row, know that 900 people are in line with you. Are you getting frustrated with the people in the store who don’t wear a mask? Me too.
I know it sucks to admit it to yourself that you aren’t the only person with the world on your shoulders. It will take some time to settle in. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Ugliness, too. What’s ugly? Your face? Maybe. But there are far more hideous things in the world – heartbreak, anger, sorrow, greed, procrastination. The truth is, the world is merely a mirror, and we see the ugliest things because we hold the ugliness in.
It’s okay to be ugly inside, as long as you don’t keep it in.
In all frankness, I am not over my crisis. I don’t think that for an over-thinker, a crisis will ever be over. But, I know how to manage it. Here are four ways I keep it together:
I. Do not lie or keep things to yourself
When your friends ask you how you are, tell them. If they laugh it off, change them. Your feelings matter, and you shouldn’t have to eat them to feel better. Remember, it isn’t just you who is turning 26 this year. Your friends are going in the same direction. All of you are on the same boat to adulthood, and the tides aren’t pretty. Ask for reassurance if you don’t feel too good about yourself. Tell them about that suspicious mole on your finger that just keeps growing. Tell your co-workers what is bugging you at work because that is what conflict resolution is. In any case, speak your mind.
II. Cry me a river
When you find yourself in times of trouble, let tears come to you. Sweat the small things, and the big, because you deserve it. Cry yourself to sleep, and then wake up and cry some more. Cry until you can’t cry anymore. I don’t care how puffy your eyes get, or if you have an ugly crying face. Just go to your room and chase those waterfalls, baby.
III. Confront your demons
Deflection is not the solution to your problems. They are not going to go away. Your anxiety is not going to take a day off just because you skipped a workday. Figure out what calms you, and keep doing it. If that stops working, find something else that relaxes you.
Meditate, bake, or dance naked in your room. Do what it takes to have an honest conversation with yourself. It’s a long, hard path, but there’s a light at the tunnel’s end.
IV. Love thyself
Tale as old as time, true as it can be, whomst will love thine heart, if thee don’t learn to love thee? Don’t nitpick about three thousand things that you don’t like about yourself. Or do, because you don’t have to like everything about you to love yourself.
Just accept yourself, flaws included. Then work on things you don’t like because you have three thousand things to keep your mind off of your crisis.
I tell myself every day that it’s okay to be sick of myself some days. It’s okay to be obsessed with your insecurities for some days. Some days, it’s okay to take a break. However, it is not okay to stop trying. Your life is not a box of chocolates you can just throw out. Your life is a scene from an amateur pornographic movie, and you can always perform better after a short interval.